New Template

Hullo people visiting from Facebook!

Please tell me your thoughts on this new layout... I quite like it, it's clean, plain, minimalistic... I've moved the Contact Me and Profile to their own pages up on top-right.  I've dropped the Tagboard. I've changed the label cloud to show all labels too.

Thoughts on Facebook please!

Musical Monday #98 - We No Speak Americano

OK, here's a strange one for you, continuing my recentish music kick...

And this one isn't even in English!

To be honest, I'm not sure what music category this would fall into... Dance probably. Whatever, I don't know why it catches my eye/ear each time I hear it, but when I hear it I sit tapping and engrossed in it - which is probably a good thing from the artists point of view!

Yolanda Be Cool vs. Dcup - We No Speak Americano has a rather strange video along with it, but none the less, have a listen!

Musical Monday #97 - Love The Way You Lie

Hmmm, I realise that last week I made a comment about Rap & RnB not really being my cup of tea... And then I see I'm posting a song by a rapper and an RnB singer.  Oops.

However, as I said last week, a decent vocalist and a decent rapper tend to make a very good combination, and yet again, I've got a song that really does something for me.  As is usually the case, it's not about the song lyrics, I like the song, as a whole :)

Generally, aside from one or two songs, I am not a Rihanna fan, but I do enjoy a lot of Eminems songs.  This one though always gets me tapping my foot or - worse - nodding my head in time to it.  Even more amusing when I'm on a bus and don't realise what I'm doing...

OK, so I prolly look like a mental.  Nothing new there then ;)

Musical Monday #96 - Airplanes

It's not secret that Rap/RnB aren't really my cup of tea, but every now and then I hear a song that I think "oooh I DO like that!" and it sticks with me.

There's also something about having someone rap, while someone sings at the same time.  Eminem & Dido is the first one that always pops to mind, when they did Stan.

B.o.B Featuring Hayley Williams - Airplanes is another of these songs, and following my "recent songs" kick, it's another I've been hearing on and off.  Hayley Williams is the lead vocalist of a band named Paramore, a rock/metal (or whatever tag it falls under) that I've heard lots of, and she has a veeeery good voice.  Reminds me of Amy Lee of Evenescence fame (think Bethy's song, My Immortal)

But I digress...

Musical Monday #95 - I Like It

I've decided for the next few weeks, that I am going to do some "recent" music.  Last week, I did a new song thanks to seeing it on TV and hearing it on the Radio.  There were several other songs I saw/heard that enjoyed too, and while Kellie was away, there was some she caught as well.

Ooooh who knows, maybe I can convince her to do Musical Monday posts too!

But I digress.  As I said, I'm going to do some recent-ish music that has caught my.. er.. ear.

Starting with Enrique Inglesias - I Like It.  As with a lot of songs I really enjoy, I can't place what I like about it so much, but I just do! hehe

And as a sidenote - a few people have mentioned that quite often the video I post falls off the side of the blog entry.  Unacceptable!  Lucky for me, while I was poking with the code, trying to work out how to resize it and keep the aspect ratio, I found that YouTube have a "Custom Size" tool under their Embed controls.  AND it does the aspect ration automagically!

Common Sense

While it's not something I can say I have always possessed, Common Sense seems to be something that the world in general is bereft of.  You read the news and you see parking tickets being issued to people sat dead in their car, you see the the sun is out and people are moaning about the heat, and you see that no matter who is voted for in government, they always seem to mess things up.

But I digress.

Todays Common Sense moaning from Chez 0ddness is a different kind of common sense.  The sort that seems to have suddenly escaped a massive wedge of the population.

Many years ago, people started communicating by email, in chat rooms, over instant messenger, and as the web became more popular, more idiots came out and made life difficult.  Viruses crept out, and yet people didn't protect their systems, and wondered why their computer was dead.  Then it was spyware, and people didn't protect their systems, and wondered why there were a million popups on their screen.  Then it was the scammers out there, and people didn't learn to ignore the offer of free money, and wondered why they were thousands of pounds out of pocket.

I've always made a point of trying to help people when it crops up.  If you aren't protected, you'll end up either inconvenienced, or have a damaged/dead computer, or be out of pocket or worse.  I've always banged on about privacy, antivirus, antispyware, new browser and general online safety.

Then Facebook and the world of Social Media appeared, and it's like everyone took every drop of common sense they'd learned over the years and thought "Naaah stuff it" and plunged back into the pool they struggled to drag themselves from.

Facebook is still full of privacy holes and if you don't plug them yourself, you will get stung.  I'm sure you've heard of Identity Theft...  Think to some of the secret answers you have to fill in on a bank account...  First School, Mothers Maiden Name, Street Grew Up On...  This information is quite precious - but everyone happily shares it with everyone on Facebook.

Without even batting an eyelid.

There was a hacking convention in Las Vegas last week, Black Hat.  A lot of it made for very interesting reading, and using JUST someones name, they found everything about them, bank details and everything else, simply because he did not have his privacy settings on Facebook set to private.  Home & Work Address, Bank Details, Kids School, Partners details...

Guys, look.  If you've not set yourself to Private, then you - and a lot of your details - can be found through Google, Yahoo, Bing, Ask - pretty much ANY search engine.  Then there's those that are set to Friends or Friends of Friends.  If one of your friends is set to public, some of your info is visible through their profile.

Which leads me to the newest nark of them all.  Remember a few years ago, those emails everyone sent - Company X will donate £y to Z Charity every time you forward this email.  I'm sure you've seen it.  The other - even MORE annoying - was the "Forward to ten people, and something will pop up on your desktop!"  No, it f$cking won't.  No company will track the email and make a donation, nothing will appear - all you've done is clogged the worlds email servers.

Facebook is doing it now.  Not directly, but idiot dickhead application writers.  This week, it's been "Like This story, and see the shocking hidden explicit thing in Toy Story 3!" which then asks you to publish it to your wall, and smear it all over yourself like chocolate goo.  There is NO HIDDEN THING in Toy Story 3.  You won't get anything appear, nothing will tell you a joke, all you will do is irritate the 200+ friends that are seeing it for the 200th time.

And here's the BEST BET.  By clicking Like you are adding yourself to the stupidly massive list of people that have clicked Like.  Which ANYONE ELSE can go through an see who has an open profile.  Not saying that is what they are doing, but as proved a fortnight ago by the guy that collected the information of 100 MILLION Facebook users, your data is easily accessible.

Clicking like does NOTHING funky, nor fancy, nor interesting.  It just shows you're actually more gullible than you think you really are.

Look at it this way.  You're in the pub with ten friends, and someone comes up to you and says "I can do something really funny, all you have to do is give me your name and addresses first..." you wouldn't do it, would you?  BUT here's the trick, because the ten of you are all friends, and five of you are more trusting, if one of those five more trusting (ie, open to all) gives the stranger their info, they are giving them YOUR info too...

Scared yet?

Remember, set your privacy settings to private, don't trust people you don't know, don't expect something for nothing, and think about it this way - the stuff you're sharing, would you share it with someone you didn't know in person.

Oooh New Do #2

You may remember a few weeks back - well, a couple of weeks back - Miss Kellie had her hair completely redone.  Renovated, in fact.  This was all part of a deal for where she worked, three visits to a proper salon for a reduced price.

Or something.

Well, that first visit was for the consultation, restyle and all the rest of that kind of thing that only women really understand.  And if you're a man that understands, you clearly read too many of those magazines that tell ladies how to trim their bum for summer, the best exercise tips for your sex life, and what us men apparently really want.

But I digress.

At the last appointment, Kellie decided she was going to aim back towards her natural hair colour.  Originally, many years long since gone, she was a blonde.

No, I am refraining from comment.

Then she started dying it black, and it's kinda stayed that way ever since.  So her natural colour has darkened over the years.  In order to go light, she had to have the colour stripped out.  Which was a nightmare.  It took almost two hours and several different treatments to get the dark out of her hair,

Uncoloured/bleached or whatever, she was a rocking Ginger.

Then the highlights went in, and then they applied the dye.  It's called blonde, but it's light brown.  Or so I'm told ;)

We got to the salon earlier at about half twelve.  We walked out at....  FIVE O CLOCK!  Four and a half bloody hours.  My arse didn't just numb, it packed up and left outright.

However, the end result is veeeery nice, and she's very happy with it.  I'm sure the hairdresser stylist is dreading her walking back in again though...

Before they started

After Colour Strip = Ginger!

Highlights being added

Dye Added

The End Result!

Now, I've yet to manage to catch her out and about and not sat rigid and upright - a natural picture of her - as she seems to duck and cover when yours truly cracks out his camera....  Coward!!

Inside Your Computers Brain

Found this over at Bits & Pieces and it cracked me up... Definitely a site to visit if you want to see random funny stuff!

Enjoy!

Computer: Monitor, display this document, ok?

Monitor: No prob, boss.

Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?

Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.

Computer: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?

Mouse: Over to the icon panel, sir.

Computer: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?

Mouse: Of course.

Keyboard: Sir, he’s pressed control and P simultaneously.

Monitor: Oh God, here we go.

Computer: *sighs* Printer, are you there?

Printer: No.

Computer: Please, Printer. I know you’re there.

Printer: NO! I’m not here! Leave me alone!

Computer: Jesus. OK look, you really ne…

Mouse: Sir, he’s clicked on the printer icon.

Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.

Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don’t want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I’m turning off!

Computer: Printer, you know you can’t turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we’ll leave you alone.

Printer: NO! That’s what you always say! I hate you! I’m out of ink!

Computer: You’re not out of in…

Printer: I’M OUT OF INK!

Computer: *Sighs* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.

Monitor: But sir, he has plen…

Computer: Just do it, damn it!

Monitor: Yes sir.

Keyboard: AHHH! He’s hitting me!

Computer: Stay calm, he’ll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.

Keyboard: He’s pressing everything. Oh god, I don’t know, he’s just pressing everything!

Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you’ve done?!

Printer: HA! that’s what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he…hey…HEY! He’s trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my god! He’s torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!

Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?

Computer: No. He did this to himself.

Say Cheese!

Simple things make me chuckle, and even simpler things entertain me.  When I acquired my laptop, I was very impressed with the fingerprint reader.  See, simple things.  None of this old-fashioned password milarky, no sir.

However, when I upgraded to Windows7, the scanner became reeeeally sensitive, and it took me a dozen or more swipes of the finger to get to my desktop.  Come back password, all is forgiven.  So I uninstalled the software and disabled the scanner.  Job done.

However, I found some even MORE amusing software today, and once again, I can say goodbye to the old-fashioned password milarky once more.

However, THIS jobbie isn't a fingerprint reader, it's a face-recognition log-on.  Windows starts, the camera fires up, sees who's in front of the laptop... If it's me, Windows starts.  If it's NOT me, no joy.  You have to know my password to get in.

If you have a webcam, and want to fiddle with this to test it or to use it as your login software, head on over to Luxand Blink's webpage  and download it.  Did I mention it's free as well?!  Just remember you have to download the appropriate version for 32-bit or 64-bit windows.

Having a fiddle around with it, I see that it logs every log-in attempt, successful or otherwise.  Which means you can see if someone else is trying to log on to your computer.... Cunning!

Bloody Busy Day

Today has been ONE OF THOSE DAYS.  Yes, I am using capital letters.  And the worst part, is it's only just gone half eleven...

This morning, I got up with Kellie, pottering around while she got ready for work.  Yesterday was another busy one, so today, the plan was feed the animals, sort a couple of loads of laundry, have a quick hoover, then flop out and be done with it.

And there-in was the flaw in my plan.  The fact I decided to do nothing for the rest of the day.  That, dear reader, is when things started going wonky.

After Kellie left for work, I put on a wash load, stuck the wet clothes in the tumble dryer, and set to feeding the dog and noticed that she is moulting like it's going out of fashion.  So, I swept up her hair, and cracked out the hoover.  To and fro, backwards and forwards... The stuff on the carpet didn't budge.  Great.  So I checked through the visible pipe... Nothing.  No clogs or anything.

Not that I was expecting to see wooden shoes, but still.

So, next step.  Pah, dismantle it to get to the pipe inside.  Pulled it all out, nothing.  While doing this, the tumbler - on a 60-minute cycle - turned off.   I checked the clock - fifteen minutes had passed by.  So, while mentally muttering to myself thinking the tumbler was next on the Dismantle Agenda, I set to banging away on the hoover.  Got it back together, and just to make sure I'd fixed it right, hit the power button and...

Nothing.

So, what had I done wrong?  I only removed three screws and a pipe for heavens sake!

It was a that point my brain whispered "The whole house is a bit quiet isn't it..." and it was true.  Aside from Dom & Molly playing in the living room, the house was silent.

The washing machine was off too.

OK, so clearly I'd not broken the hoover, but, apparently, everything.

I looked at the hoover and noted that, no, I had not touched anything wirey-electricaly-sparky or anything nasty.  No near-death for Dan today, no no.

The electrics had tripped in the house.  Great.  So, I unplugged the hoover thinking that was the culprit, flicked the fuse switch, and it went again.  Not the hoover.  OK, must be the tumbler then - it turned off.  Unplugged the tumbler, flicked the switch... And off it went again.

Oh for fff...

Took a breath and set to looking at everything plugged in.  Unplugged the laptops, the TV/Wii/DVD, router, phones, phone chargers...  So now the kids are joining in.  Everything I unplug, I hit the tripper switch and it goes right off again.  Kids are sent upstairs to disconnect everything.  And now I'm looking around thinking "There are only two appliances left, both of which are kinda necessary...

Everything in the house is now off and unplugged.  Everything, that is, bar the old fridge freezer, and the new washing machine.  To add to the pressure, Kellie has a shed-load of shopping being delivered this afternoon.  So, I disconnect the fridge, hit the tripper.

Power died.

It's the bloody washing machine.  The bloody washing machine she's only had two months.  Luckily, not only is it still under warranty, but she rents.  Phew.  The downside, is that Kellie has work clothes that need washing, and the kids are on summer holidays - so washing is being generated at an exponential rate.

With Kellie at work, I phone the rental company.  When I FINALLY get through, I explain what's going on, and he tries the "Are you sure it's the machine, it IS new... Check all your other sockets -" I cut the git off.  No no, everything in the house - EVERYTHING - is off.  "Do you have any outside sockets that could be wet?"

After taking a breath, I explain that everything in the house is unplugged.  He puts me on hold, and comes back ten minutes later with an engineer booked for tomorrow..  Now, I've pointed out I am OUT tomorrow between 11 and 3 or so, and he claims to have noted this down.

Place your bets...

And you'd think that was my day over with?  Not by a long shot.  Kellie has also pleaded with me to defrost her freezer.  Now, that isn't an issue, until you realise the last time I defrosted MY freezer, I ended up breaking it and having to get Gemma to get me a new one.  As it is, Kellie has my old old freezer after her one broke down eighteen months back or so...

You can imagine my trepidation.

She explains to me the "easy" way to defrost a freezer.  Turn it off.  Empty it.  Put in a bowl of boiling water.  Shut door.  Wait.

Seriously...  I cannot see how that works, but I did.  TWO bowls of boiling water, door shut.  I decided that, instead of twiddling my proverbial thumbs, I'd set to draining the washing machine.  Remember, it died mid-cycle, so is full of wet clothes and gross water.  I pull the draining gubbins out and set to emptying it.

The opening of the pipe is - literally - five millimetres across.  Half a centimetre.  One-sixth of an inch.  I also have approximately of six inches of pipe to play with, so can't just stick it in a bucket.  I have to use a low dish and empty it a trickle at a time.

After half an hour and seeing there is still water in the drum, I decide to leave that be for the time being and check on the defrosting freezer.

I open the door and am greeted with... Ice.  Snow.  Icebergs, in fact.  The boiling water has made the top damp, and melted two circles into the shelves they are sitting in.  No defrosting is happening.

Bowls removed, I start using my bare hands to batter the ice off.  Almost ninety minutes later, I get the worst of it out.  My hands are red and swollen and scraped to buggery.  The food is on the side wrapped in towels and trying to melt.  So, I reboil the kettles and put the boiling water back in, and turn back to the washing machine.

Another hour passes and the machine is finally empty of water and clothes.  Bloody thing.  Open the freezer, and the last of the ice has in fact defrosted.  Opening the door, I was greeted with a tsunami peppered with icebergs.  Very pretty.

I mop up, dry out the freezer, switch it back on, close the door, finish clearing up the kitchen floor, push the washing machine back into place, clean the floor under the machine, check the freezer - it's getting cold already. 

You don't realise how panicky I was that I'd turn it on and it'd be dead.  Phew ;)

With the temperature plummeting, I stick the food back in, wipe the sides down, and finally, flop out with a cuppa.

Ten minutes later, Molly dive bombs Dom and hurts his leg.

I am, to coin a phrase, completely buggeringly shattered!!  In ten minutes, the kids will want lunch too.

Musical Monday #94 - Club Can't Handle Me

It's not often that yours truly posts a recent song, let alone a song that has only just come out.  However, where Kellie has been down in Devon this week, I've been flitting and farting all over the place, and ended up in the 0dd Sisters lounge on a couple of occasions.

If the girls aren't watching TV, then usually one music channel or another is on.  When I was on the phone to her one morning, she asked me to wait while she and the girls danced to a song.  Fair enough.  Then when I got there, it came on again, and it was quite catchy - Tam enjoyed it too.

Now, it's sort of following me.  Whenever I get in Gemma or Petes car, it comes on the radio.  And now I'm addicted to it.  Love the beat, love the song in general!

Flo Rida - Club Can't Handle Me


And yes, it IS now Monday and I am posting a song on the correct day. Go me :D

Musical Monday #93 - I Want To Be A Hippy

OK, more often than not when I get a Musical Monday "Ooooh You Should Do THIS Song" I tend to ignore them.  Mostly, I've A) Never heard of what they are suggestion, or B) It's such an awful song I can't bare to do it.

However, last week, The Sween suggested I do a song following the theme from Awful Music from the 90s, and his suggestion is a doozy.

The funny thing is, Technohead - I Want To Be A Hippy was one of those songs that I honestly cannot remember if I liked or hated.  NOW I think it's... well, actually I don't know.  When it started I thought "Oh my crap it was THIS bad?!" and then a short time later, I found myself tapping my foot and remembering that yes it WAS this bad, but it was one of those songs you couldn't help listen to.

I'm pretty certain that most of you will hate it, but while I umm'd and arr'd I decided it did in fact need posting!

Google Chrome: Is It Just Me?

Being that I am a techy-geeky-sort, I often play with new technology, either to see what it can do, because I'm interested, because it's hyped or because something about it caught my eye.

I am a devout user of Mozilla Firefox.  Have been for several years, and usually when I install a new system, the first thing I do is download and install it so I don't have to use Internet Explorer.  However, being that I use several Google products (Earth, Reader, Gmail, Blogger) I often see these sites or programs suggesting I try Chrome.

Now, when it first came out, I downloaded it and had a play.  Being that it was new software, it didn't really do all the things I wanted it to do.  No, correction.  It wasn't Firefox with all it's fancy extensions/add-ons, and I didn't like it.  Mainly, I didn't like having to see Ads, and I didn't like not having Mouse Gestures.

Never mind, I thought, they'll come with time.

A while later, I heard there was an adblocker for Chrome, downloaded, installed and hunted down the adblocker.  Turns out it was a third party program, and being that I hate clutter and like things neat and tidy, it annoyed me too much.  And the Mouse Gesture addon wasn't customisable, and used different gestures.  So I again removed it.

A couple of weeks ago, I read that Adblock - the extension I use on Firefox - was now on Chrome.  Excellent stuff.  And, even better, there was a customisable mouse gesture addon.  So, I downloaded, installed the browser and the addons, and off I went.

I spend a LOT of time on the internet.  If I am on my laptop, invariably, I am on the net.  Even if I am watching a movie or something, I've got my email open.  Even if I am playing a game, I am flicking to my mail or whatever.  I switched my default browser to Chrome so I didn't cheat while playing around online.

It IS quite good.  I don't believe it's faster - or, at least, noticeably faster - than Firefox, regardless of bench tests done by proper tech people.  A few microseconds here, or half a second there is just not noticeable to normal people.  The options windows are limited, and while I often like to go into Option Menus and fiddle till I break something, there just isn't that much to fiddle with.  OK, so minimal is good for some, but I like to customise as much as I can.  I hate the download bar across the entire width of the window, and hate even more that it sits there until you shoot it in the face.

The Adblock extension is quite handy, but for some reason, I find myself seeing ads that I just don't see on Firefox.  I don't know if Chrome processes them differently, or if it's just not exactly the same as the Firefox version, but it's irritating.

Those of you on Blogger, I don't know if you've seen these, but when you publish a post, on the right of the screen you'll get some reference to Chrome... Blog Faster, Blog Side by Side, do this, do that.  Well, I've tried these, and honestly, I can't tell a difference.

I can't tell you exactly what it is that is annoying me so much with Chrome, only that it IS annoying me.  For some reason, I also couldn't copy & paste from one tab to another. NO idea if that was a bug, or something I had somehow triggered with changing options, but I don't get it.  And the spell checker also seemed very hit-and-miss for me.  I'd see a word underlined in red, right click it, select the word I wanted and... The whole word vanished.  Very strange.

It got to the point where I had to open Firefox in order to do what I wanted to do.  When I went from Opera to Firefox, I switched and never went back.  When I went from Internet Explorer to Opera, again, I switched and never went back.  This is my third attempt at using Chrome, and it just seems like we're destined to not get on.  Even when I got Chrome to pretty much how I wanted it, I still had to resort to opening Firefox...

Who knows, in the coming days/weeks/months/years, it might get to a point where it IS better than Firefox, works better and does more things, but until then, Firefox is my favourite , and will remain installed and used and a regular basis.

Migraines...

I am a migraine suffer.  Most people know this, some have even seen me when I am suffering.  For the last couple of years, I've noticed they've been somewhat less and less, but in recent months, they are definitely making a come-back.

Usually I know when they are coming on - sometimes I can have a couple of days notice.  I can feel them building, and the sure-fire way to tell, is the stench that my brain tells me I am smelling.  Excrement, no less.  The aroma of shite.  THAT'S how I know they are coming.

Yesterday afternoon, I kept catching the smell, and despite knowing what it was, I still tried looking for the source.  Both kids confirmed there was no gross smell in the room - nor in every room I walked into.  I drank a load of water just in case it was a touch of being dehydrated, and went to bed hoping that it's pass over night.

It didn't.

I woke up this morning with the left side of my brain feeling like it was trying to push out the side of my skull.  Great, I thought.  I was hoping to take the kids up to Langdon Hills for the day, but that plan soon evaporated.  Luckily, I'd not told the kids we were going out - I told them today was a lazy day.

I tried to focus on other things, listening to music, watching a DVD with Tam, but it built and built until the sweats and the shakes started.  I resorted to my Sumatriptain, my anti-migraine medication, but it didn't even remove the nausea.  I felt like hell.

I took a couple of Paracetamol & Codeine, and flopped on the sofa, where I promptly passed out.  The kids have seen me like this before, I told Jaysen what was going on, and he put on his "I'm In Charge" mantle.

An hour later, I was in the loo being sick as a dog.  It was all I could do to walk back into the lounge, collapse on the sofa and pass out again.

Next thing I know, it's nearly four in the afternoon, the kids are sat eating Ham Sandwiches and watching a DVD.  The headache is still there, but now it's just a headache and nothing else.  My stomach feels all hollow from being sick, and I feel quite woozy from having not eaten today, but the thought of food is not that appealing at the moment.  Both kids are so good for me when I'm poorly.  They're quite, they don't run around shouting, they don't do noisy things, they literally sit near me and entertain themselves.

Though, I HAVE noticed a pile of glitter on the back door step... Wonder where else it might be!

So, that's my fun-packed day so far.  If anyone knows of any decent meds to fight migraines, I am open to suggestions.  I've been on Sumatriptain which should stop them building, and if not, they should reduce the effects.  No joy with them any more.  I've been on Atenolol which is a blood pressure medicine, which is to try stop them happening altogether, but still no joy.  Paracetamol & Codeine (Cocodamol) don't really do a lot either, but then, they're for my back and legs.

Suggestions please!

Gravity. It Works

This picture captures a very rare moment in the world. This is the moment that yours truely confirmed the existence of gravity.

See, today, Gemma, me and the girls went to North Weald Nature Reserve. We walked through forests, over hills, around lakes, through meadows...

Of course, the Forest area contained lots of very large trees. Trees that my 12 year old self love to climb, and being that I am still actually 12 I decided I'd climb one. It was a very large old oak, with lots of hand-and-foot holds.

Easy Peasy.

So, up I jumped, ready to scale it. Not sure if I was going UP or if I was just going to go around it. At about thirty feet off the ground (or, maybe three) Gemma shouted up, carefuly you don't fall backwards.

I may have Pfft'd her words, but at that very moment there was an ominous CRACK from my hand hold. Gravity tried to do it's thing, and I tried to find another hand-hold.

There wasn't one.

With my feet FIRMLY planted on the tree, I toppled backwards. Somehow - being that I am the most dexterous man alive - I managed to flip around in mid-air, and landed in the THANKFULLY soft undergrowth. On my knee.

However, such was my momentum, that I physically bounced off the ground, flipped again, and ended my stunt facing the sky through the canopy.

Me and Gemma were absolutly wetting ourselves with laughter. How she didn't piss her pants I don't know. It was all I could do to get up while laughing so hard. Gemma had mascara running down her face, I had tears streaming... The girls thought we were crying!

Anyway, despite everything, I was ok... Bust a gut laughing mind, and my knee is a bit sore but I'll survive.

Thank f$ck she wasn't filming it...

Nothing To See...

There was no post here for a few moments... Nothing appeared...

You saw nothing...

Nothing...

If you DID see something, oops, my bad.  Did you know CTRL+P is Publish on Blogger.  No, I didn't either.  I tried to hit CTRL+I for italic but clearly slipped.  Doh!

If you DID NOT see something here... *ahem* I win ;)

What To Do...

So I have an issue.  No, not that one.  Nor that.  No.. Look, shuddup.

I have my name as a domain - www.DanEnglish.co.uk - and have done for a while now, but I am stuck slightly.  Stuck, in that I don't know what to do with it.  I was considering setting it to divert to the blog as well, but that...  I don't know, 0ddness is 0ddness, and diverting to domain names to it (assuming you even can!) just seems greedy!

Of course, the next issue I have is what to do with it... No point in starting another blog - 0ddness has that covered - but then, I'm not sure what else to do.  I don't take enough pictures to create a Tumblr or Flickr stream, I don't know enough to do something useful - while I can offer general help to people, I don't think I can make a site out of it.  There's only so much antivirus/antimalware/Windows Advice I can offer... So other than that, I'm not sure what to do with it...

Hopefully one day, I'll use it for something like a business or similar.  NO idea what I'd do with it or how I'd use it, but none the less, I'm glad I own it.  Just wish I knew what to do with it ;)

Stealth Ninja Attack

So there I was, minding my own business when she struck. Little blonde ninja hiding in the trees. Not sure who I had offended, what feet I'd stepped on, or which criminal syndicate I had annoyed, but they sent their best...

I could tell she was a professional, after leaping from her spot in the tree, she went straight for the throat. Her hands might have been tiny, but damn was she strong, clutching me by the windpipe and trying to choke the life from me. The battle was very rough. Small children were screaming, women were crying, dogs were howling. Sad to say, the little blonde ninja assassin killed me in the park.

Of course, being a professional hired ninja assassin has its drawbacks. After murdering me, she went back to her hideout, had some lunch and promptly flaked out. So alert are the ninja, that they sleep sitting upright leaning against a footrest.

I could have taken her. Were she a bit shorter.

And weaker.

Musical Mon-Tuesday #92 - Saturday Night

Ahh the heading days of the early nineties.  When you could "write a song" if you could press a button to a certain rhythm, save it then just repeat it over and over.  Hell, I could have done it...

OK, maybe not.  I have the rhythm of a epileptic possum on a power line.  But none the less, this music was the bane of  the nineties.

However.  I have to admit that I did like this music.  I was a techno-head.  OK, granted, I was also a metal-head and a rocker, but I liked this too.  Dance, Trance, Rave...  All good stuff.

Everyone dance!

Mortified

mor·ti·fy   
–verb (used with object)
1. to humiliate or shame, as by injury to one's pride or self-respect.
Also, Mortified

Today in Asda, I experienced being Mortified.  As a rule, I don't like attention, I don't like doing silly things in front of people, and especially, I don't like attention because of silly things I do in front of people I don't know.

Today, however, was THAT day.

Jaysen is at Summer School, so me and Tam toddled into town and did some shopping.  Everything was going fine and dandy, right up to THAT POINT.  That Point was, in case you're interested, the moment I put a large bottle of blue bubble bath into the shopping trolley.

Being as how I forgot my shopping list again, I was aimlessly wandering up and down the aisles, looking for things I needed.  Smellies Section, Deodrant.  Hair Section, Shampoo.  Veg section, Salad bits. Fruit Section, apples and bananas...

"DADDY!" exclaimed Tamsyn, pointing at the front of the trolley while I was deciding on my apples.  Gala vs. Pink Lady... Choices choices...

I look to see what Peanut is pointing at, and see the pretty blue drool hanging from the trolley.  Down the front of it, over the wheels, into a nice pool where I've sat parked.  Oops.  "Asda Aces (Cleaners) To Aisle 10..." comes over the PA system.  I look up, and see I am in number seven.  I look behind me and see the trail of blue blobs, a testament to the route I have taken.

Oh please no...

A member of staff sees my trolley bleeding blue blood, and grabs some wads of tissues and helps me clean my pool.  "Asda Aces to Aisle 9.." echoes around me.  "I think that's you!" says the lady helping me.  A few minutes pass, people are passing me muttering about not being able to get to where they need to get.  Asda Aces to Aisle 8..."

Oh please please no no no....

The woman finishes up stemming the bleeding from the trolley, I am apologising profusely, and head away from the scene.  Into what can only be described as a scene of carnage.  Aisles 8, 9 and 10 are closed.  There are people in high vis jackets rushing around with mops, tissues, on their knees wiping and swirling.  "Attention all Asda Aces, please report to Aisle 9.  Machine Cleaner required..."  I look down the aisles, which are all now closed....  Boxes and yellow signs "Cleaning in Progress" blocking both ends, people moaning they need to get this or that...

Oh god please no no bloody no....

THEN someone I know bumps into me.  "Alright Dan, what's happening?"

I shrug and run.  I'm out of that shop SO fast Tam didn't know what was happening.

Then, as we stepped off the bus at my stop, three of my bags ruptured and cascaded my shopping all over the pavement...

I am now not leaving the house for fear of Lynch Mobs.